Toxic Ministers/Priests/Reverends/Pastors

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Scriptural Reference:

15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
James 3:15-16

23 “Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!” declares the Lord. 2 Therefore this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says to the shepherds who tend my people: “Because you have scattered my flock and driven them away and have not bestowed care on them, I will bestow punishment on you for the evil you have done,” declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 23:1-4

Whoever slanders his [parishioner] secretly I will destroy. Whoever has a haughty
look and an arrogant heart I will not endure
Psalm 101:5

6 If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it
would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be
drowned in the depths of the sea.
Matthew 18:6

28 Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God,[a] which he bought with his own blood.
Acts 20:28

Reflection:

Perhaps one of them most contentious and difficult issues facing many Post Christian churches today are those individuals identified as being toxic. Everyone within a church can be toxic and have a negative impact to the church and its' ability to be an effective light to the community. Even Ministers (this is all inclusive and will be used to also represent Priests, Reverends and Pastors) can be or become toxic over time.

At 64 (as of 2022) I have journeyed through many churches and denominations. In each I have encountered the good, the bad and the Ugly. In one church where I had thought I was accepted and respected I was referred to in a small discussion group as being just a 'good listener'. Talk about being told to shut up. So yes, what I am saying is that negativity can come from many sources and at any time unexpected. For personal and legal reasons I won't mention specific churches, names or locations. The last time I even suggested someone without naming them I was warned they would take me to court. Hypocritical to the end. The Minister was gossiping and white anting me behind my back. Making it impossible to stay in the congregation. All because I didn't accept his 'Woke Gay Agenda'. Parasites within the church are real.

It's too easy to start a personal witch hunt and start looking for toxic MInsiters or peoiple within your congregation. Something that could easily create a toxic personality within yourself. So it's important to first take this matter to constant and devoted prayer. Asking your Jesus the Christ if indeed you have encountered someone who is taxic. Or if fact you have felt slighted and in need of vindication. So that you yourself have become toxic in search of revenge. Prayer, prayer, and more prayer is needed to discern what to do next.

After some deep soul searching and consistant prayer you still feel under attack and diminshed in your ability to live your faith. Yes, even within a church community, this can and does happen far too often than it should. As an example I remember going to a church that in the past I had felt comfrotable in. I observed a woman visiting a church for the first time. She stated she ewas looking for a Bible based church to attend. The man she was talking to noticed she was holding a ings James Bible and started to mock here for reading the verson of the Bible. He didn't tell her any factsm or interesting thoughts on the version. Nor did he bother to ask why she liked it. He just attacked her for reading it. Her expression of stress and shock was real. She had found that this so called profoundly Christian church was hyper critical of others.

So what are some sign?
Here are nine signs of a toxic person:

  1. You're left feeling emotionally exhausted after an encounter with them.
  2. They try to intimidate you to get their way by reminding you of their authority.
  3. They try control you by guilt tripping reminding you of your past mistakes.
  4. They are easily jealous and dismissive of others accomplishments.
  5. They constantly see themselves as a victim and will talk about it.
  6. They give backhanded compliments while referring to themselves.
  7. They're overly defensive and will find reasons you should be sorry.
  8. They talk about others to make themselves feel big or in control.
  9. They like talking about how they're the best thing that happened to the church.

So why do some people become toxic? What makes them become so aggressive towards others?
Here are seven reasons:

    1. They experience personal trauma in their life.
    2. They have a low level of self esteem and imprtance.
    3. They feel under valued by significant people in their life.
    4. They choose to be toxic as they can act without responsibilty.
    5. They have an ongoing physical condition that affects them.
    6. They have a dependency on drugs, medication or alcohal.
    7. They have had an un-resolved traumatic experience.

     

Okay, so what to do now? Where to go when you feel you have no other way to go but to stop going to church? Let's take a look at some options. As well as con sidering some hinderances that might stop you from seeking assistance.

Seek a friend to discuss the problem:
Sadly this might not be as easy as it first seems. Many toxic people will over time pulled people close to them. making those people feel included nto their confidence. Told things that they believce and fell are real and not to bve questioned. This problem becomes even more complex when the toxic person is the Minister. Going to someone to talk through ypour concerns will be challenging. The first hurdle may be the feeling that you are gossiping. Just keep in ind that approaching a friend for advice is not the same thing as gossiping. You are discussing a faith threatening situation that you need help with.

Pray, Pray, Pray and again I say Pray:
The sheer power of prayer can't be overstated. The Bible is full of many exortations and encourgements for Christians to pray. To pray consitantly and about every matter that we feel challenged with. We re told that God hears our every prayer. He is able to assist us through any trauma or challneg if we only take it to Him in prayer. With toxic people we need to understand how we might best pray. Praying ton just take way thwe problem is just avoiding the current individual. What should happen, and there are many toxic people in the world, when you face anothe toxic person?
Here are # things to try tp find power in your prayer:

  1. Find a quiet place to settle your thoughts.
  2. Find a time and place where you won't be disturbed
  3. Have your Bile with you open to Philippians 4:6–7
    1. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
      present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard
      your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
  4. Steps tht may be taken tfor prayer
    1. Address Heavenly Father.
    2. Thank Heavenly Father.
    3. Ask Heavenly Father for His help.
    4. Close in the Name of Jesus the Christ.

Record events as they happen:
Odd how some things can become a matter of keeping a list of dtes and times someone has attacked us, yet there are times when this can happen. In Ecclesiastes 3:8 we read "a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace". Soyes there will be a time to take a stand. This of course will be all the more complicated when the Minister is also the head of the church council or administrative group. You may need to seek advice from the governing body over the church.

There comes a time to move on:
This option, though not the last, will be the most difficult and painful. It will mean leaving behind friendships that have developed over many years. Leving behind fond memories of personal mile stone and events shared with the congregation. It will mean being a spiritual nomad for a time while you search for a new church family. The second part of Matthew 10:14 expresses a traditional way of moving on "when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet". Essentially this is a way of not taking any of the event or memory of it with you. The same needs to be done if leaving one church to join another. To take and discuss the problems you had in the previous church will only alienate you from the church you wish to join. If though some asks why you left your last church you need only say that you were seeking new ways to worship God. Which is really what you are doing.

In closing I really can't over emphasise the need to pray. The above are basic ways to identify a toxic persona nd ways to deal with the negative attacks they can and will make. There are many other ways, if you still feel you need to talk to someone, please make sure you find a Christian councilor. As they will be able to understand the many levels that such an attack can affect you as a Christian.

Prayer:
  • Address Heavenly Father,
    • I come to you now in prayer.
    • Seeking the pressence of your Holy Spirit.
  • Thank Heavenly Father,
    • I thank you for your precious Son,
    • Who you sent to be a Lord and Saviour.
  • Ask Heavenly Father for His help
    • I have found myself under attack,
    • Please protect me from spiritual harm.
  • Close in the Name of Jesus the Christ
    • I pray and thank you my God,
    • In the precious name of Jesus the Christ.

Amen